Who is in control?
Shit happens. We lose years of our lives to bad relationships, bad choices, not taking responsibility, making excuses, saying ‘I can’t' while another person says 'I CAN'. Becoming lost in our hesitation and self-doubt and missing amazing opportunities.
I rarely drink and I have never smoked or used any other drugs. It has never appealed to me. The idea of losing control of my actions and my reasoning skills scares me. I'm confident enough to admit that.
I was raised in a pretty liberal household, both of my parents used drugs when they were younger. No biases there, or anything. I know the perception many people have, which is, that if you don't drink, smoke or whatever, you are missing out.
I've been told that because of this I don't know how to truly have fun!!
And, that if I were to 'let go' my life would be forever changed for the better. I left hurt and disappointed wondering, 'Am I not enough just as I am?'.
Your life circumstance or decisions make you different... we should just embrace it... soon, you will see that people will gravitate to you because you just don't give a damn what they think. If I am a loser because of my decisions, I embrace it fully.
It is so important to let go of someone else's idea of who you should be and embrace your own. So, you live at your parents' house, you're spending the day listening to music, creating art, you're struggling to keep a job, you're not making enough money pursuing your passions, you're sitting on a patio all day long... embrace it and be kind to yourself. Find peace of mind in knowing that at least you're not hurting any one.
Day-to-day I continually ask myself:
‘What do I want right now?'
'What is it that I want from the situation I am in?’
I think as long as I know where I’m coming from, as long as I know what I want. As long as I listen to my instincts and not delude myself, as long as I check in and know what my true intention is, even if it’s as simple as: to make a friend, to fuck, to learn something, to be quiet, to be brave, to protect myself, to be alone, to have fun, to dance, to see another side of life/ of the story…then I’m not operating from an unconscious place. I’m not letting fear or insecurity guide me.
As long as I’m awake, present and aware of my motivation, and the consequences, and I am not intentionally hurting anyone, it's all good.
"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." — Augusten Burroughs